Saturday, February 7, 2009

the four personas

(This is an actual blog entry - the condensed version. Initially wanted to make this a short, but it turned out to be too close to home. )

I have four persons residing in my brain.

The first is a soulful one, and much of a literature-enthusiast. She's the quiet one you see at parties, who sits at a corner and not say anything, but she'd let out a giggle when she hears a funny joke from another person at the same party. The first person is a reasonably sweet person, and she avoids conflicts as often as she can but she loves and hopes too much. The second is the spontaneous one, whose life revolves going into the unknown and doing unexpected things. She is obnoxiously talkative, and she doesn't know how to keep secrets about herself. She's the one who always jumps at opportunities, the confident one, the one who'll go up on stage, or the podium and just confidently whip up anything to speak about, and her enthusiasm is as high as the mountains. The only downside to her is that she constantly does things without thinking of the consequences. Although so,she doesn't worry as much as the third person.. oh, the third person. The third person is an ultimate worrier, who's paranoid about anything and everything. "I hate her because i'm not as pretty as her", "why can't i have her skin?". "Did I say the right thing?". "I am not good enough for him", "I am not cool enough to be here". I don't like the third person very much. The fourth person is probably the worst. She is rebellious, and hates it when something blocks her way. She can sometimes exert so much anger, and keep only so much pain. She says things directly to your face if she hates what you're doing. She's defensive and she thinks she's right. She is purposefully cynical and sarcastic when she is provoked. She is ultimately unforgiving, and she's vengeful. There were alot of times that the first person had to barge in to clean up the mess that the fourth person'd made because the insecure third person urged her to do so. I have no control on the appearance and the presence of all four. Na--ah. And there are a lot of times that I wish that the second person can stay longer, because I'm happier when she's around. I don't mind when the first or the second stays but the third person always comes to the picture and try to wreck everything by promoting negativity. And the fourth person always makes it alot more worst than it should be. When things are in a mess, the fourth person probably loves to mess it up even more.

At this point, you know what I'm wishing for? Someone who can keep up with all four.

And maybe a psychiatrist.

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